Nothing but an Echo.... Friendship and Generation Whatever
Warning, if you expect this to make sense, you're expecting too much!
Are we the generation programmed not to love?
Do we lack all ability to connect with one another?
Globalism, Muticulturalism, Networking, Connecting... do you even know your neighbour?
I'm sure if I brought a pie to mine, they'd assume it was poisoned and throw it out.
What an interesting reality.
I wonder, do any of us actually know the meaning of friendship? How many of you would really lay your life on the line for another? How many have said you loved someone and really truly meant it?
I'm sick of minute connections. I'm sick of temporary alliances. I'm sick of not KNOWING anyone.
The start of this evening's rant-age?
Someone pissed me off. Someone I considered to be a friend, who isn't man enough to tell me WHAT I did to make him do a complete 180. I typed a rather nasty email, and then thought better of it. Why not be the bigger person? Will it really do me any good to hurt him in response?
I hate fighting >:| But I guess, in my wanting of a response, I've become this annoying mosquito. So really, am I any better than him? Probably not.
Odd, how, no matter how mad I get at someone, I never lash out. I've never punched anyone, I've never slapped anyone, I've never been in a fight, I've never said fuck you and meant it.
It's frustrating, sometimes. To seriously want to slam someone against a wall, repeatedly, until they tell you what is going on in their head, but not being able to even write an email.
I have few enemies.
However, it doesn't do me much good, because I have few friends, either.
So many people I talk to are the same. No one really feels close to anyone anymore. You can go through life with hundreds of "friends," yet really, who matters in the end?
There's a ton of people who I talk to online. We chat on nexopia, on MSN, on IRC, on AIM. Just my msn list alone has 72 people on it. But how many of these people mean a thing to me, really? And inversely, how many of them think of me? 10% Maybe. Maybe.
Family? Very funny. I'm vaguely close to my brother, but we've grown up knowing not much about each other. Ask me some facts about him, and I can tell you that he likes drinking Lucky Extra, he once got arrested for stealing cheese, he likes listening to Tupac and Armin Van Buuren, and he hates raisins. Beyond that... I don't know what he dreams about. I don't know what he really cares about. My own brother.
The rest of my family, really... it's sad. We don't communicate. We don't get together. It's enough for us to scrape together 8 hours to see each other on a holiday.
My "friends"? I seem to cling to the ones who don't give a shit, and push away those who do. I miss the easy, loosely connected groups of highschool. Even if they were fake plastic friends... they were friends. They were other humans that I could connect with.
There are a couple of you who mean the world to me. There's one of you in particular, who somehow squeezed your way past all the defenses. I wish I was a guy sometimes. Because if I were, I'd make you marry me :P You're the only one I can really relate to.
God I had a point to all this rambling, I really did. But I've gotten distracted.
Funny how when I was lonely and desperately seeking attention, my phone was silent, but when I'm trying to be bitter and antisocial and hateful of humanity, you all wanna hang out. Try back on the weekend, geez.
So... train of thought broken... rar. I was gonna write something brilliant and it's been forever lost.
All you need to know is that I'm on hiatus. I need to figure out this jumble of thoughts in my head. On my own.
Afterwards, Race, you and I should go to NYC.
Nameless one, you hurt me more than you'll ever realize. But it's okay. The odd thing is that your words (your lies?) also had more of an impression on me than you realize. So if you ever change your mind, and want an ally, I'm here. No questions asked.
I don't know who else reads this. If you've survived the rambling this long, congratulations.
If you understand my need to be single, my need to be one week alone, my need to find the answer on my own, you get more than congratulations.
You can't hurt me, I've found peace within myself - Jam, Michael Jackson
current tunes:
Heaven Knows - Squeeze
Inertiatic Esp - The Mars Volta
UR [Junkie XL Air Guitar Mix] - Tiesto
Nevr Again [Single Mix] - Milk Inc.
Without Me - Eminem
current reading material: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Are we the generation programmed not to love?
Do we lack all ability to connect with one another?
Globalism, Muticulturalism, Networking, Connecting... do you even know your neighbour?
I'm sure if I brought a pie to mine, they'd assume it was poisoned and throw it out.
What an interesting reality.
"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." -Muhammad Ali
I wonder, do any of us actually know the meaning of friendship? How many of you would really lay your life on the line for another? How many have said you loved someone and really truly meant it?
I'm sick of minute connections. I'm sick of temporary alliances. I'm sick of not KNOWING anyone.
The start of this evening's rant-age?
Someone pissed me off. Someone I considered to be a friend, who isn't man enough to tell me WHAT I did to make him do a complete 180. I typed a rather nasty email, and then thought better of it. Why not be the bigger person? Will it really do me any good to hurt him in response?
I hate fighting >:| But I guess, in my wanting of a response, I've become this annoying mosquito. So really, am I any better than him? Probably not.
Odd, how, no matter how mad I get at someone, I never lash out. I've never punched anyone, I've never slapped anyone, I've never been in a fight, I've never said fuck you and meant it.
It's frustrating, sometimes. To seriously want to slam someone against a wall, repeatedly, until they tell you what is going on in their head, but not being able to even write an email.
I have few enemies.
However, it doesn't do me much good, because I have few friends, either.
So many people I talk to are the same. No one really feels close to anyone anymore. You can go through life with hundreds of "friends," yet really, who matters in the end?
There's a ton of people who I talk to online. We chat on nexopia, on MSN, on IRC, on AIM. Just my msn list alone has 72 people on it. But how many of these people mean a thing to me, really? And inversely, how many of them think of me? 10% Maybe. Maybe.
Family? Very funny. I'm vaguely close to my brother, but we've grown up knowing not much about each other. Ask me some facts about him, and I can tell you that he likes drinking Lucky Extra, he once got arrested for stealing cheese, he likes listening to Tupac and Armin Van Buuren, and he hates raisins. Beyond that... I don't know what he dreams about. I don't know what he really cares about. My own brother.
The rest of my family, really... it's sad. We don't communicate. We don't get together. It's enough for us to scrape together 8 hours to see each other on a holiday.
My "friends"? I seem to cling to the ones who don't give a shit, and push away those who do. I miss the easy, loosely connected groups of highschool. Even if they were fake plastic friends... they were friends. They were other humans that I could connect with.
There are a couple of you who mean the world to me. There's one of you in particular, who somehow squeezed your way past all the defenses. I wish I was a guy sometimes. Because if I were, I'd make you marry me :P You're the only one I can really relate to.
God I had a point to all this rambling, I really did. But I've gotten distracted.
Funny how when I was lonely and desperately seeking attention, my phone was silent, but when I'm trying to be bitter and antisocial and hateful of humanity, you all wanna hang out. Try back on the weekend, geez.
So... train of thought broken... rar. I was gonna write something brilliant and it's been forever lost.
All you need to know is that I'm on hiatus. I need to figure out this jumble of thoughts in my head. On my own.
Afterwards, Race, you and I should go to NYC.
Nameless one, you hurt me more than you'll ever realize. But it's okay. The odd thing is that your words (your lies?) also had more of an impression on me than you realize. So if you ever change your mind, and want an ally, I'm here. No questions asked.
I don't know who else reads this. If you've survived the rambling this long, congratulations.
If you understand my need to be single, my need to be one week alone, my need to find the answer on my own, you get more than congratulations.
You can't hurt me, I've found peace within myself - Jam, Michael Jackson
current tunes:
Heaven Knows - Squeeze
Inertiatic Esp - The Mars Volta
UR [Junkie XL Air Guitar Mix] - Tiesto
Nevr Again [Single Mix] - Milk Inc.
Without Me - Eminem
current reading material: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
posted by Alania X. at 11:30 PM
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